December, 2010

I've been so tired these days. Working, studying and travelling back and forth in the cold without knowing when the train will come in heavy snow days.

As usual, I think I'm a happier person than the crowd in the stations, rushing toward trains after announcements from somewhere. They even served coffee and tea for free to compensate for customers. I also took one, something tasted sour but just to keep my hands warm. There were lots of people with luggages heading to the airport. I heard a man talking on the phone saying he's on the way; or else the next flight would be tomorrow morning. In this very ordered country (the Netherlands), when there's a fault in the system, everything becomes a mess. Perhaps people in developing country should think of their advantage, there won't be lots of things bothering since they already have mess every day. This is not Icelandic volcano, but somehow, it reminded me of people, who cannot get on planes, to be at home with their family. Or just whatever reason, they have to stay in a foreign country, in the cold, with their plan destroyed.

Sometimes, I wonder where should I be to welcome 2012. Perhaps the best thing is to be with family, in my warm country. I missed a lot the 'coolness' of the winter in my hometown, when my mom had to take out the winter clothes from the big closet. We don't have heater in Vietnam so you have to wear sweater or anything, at least two layers of clothes every where, every time. I remembered the happy days when I stayed on my parent's bed, with the blanket that made you cold when you touch just it, reading books. I remember the days when there was water all over the city, when my father had to take me to my high school. It was warm getting back home, having food in the kitchen with the amber color.

It's funny that sometimes I cry because I'm tired, mostly mentally tired. It's normal to cry when you miss your family. Or just that sometimes, I'm tired because I don't see me with a free soul, that I have to be attached to work, study or sometimes just be attached to this world. Yet, to me it was beautiful to cry for others. I don't know if I will ever forget the days in the forest, somewhere in Arnhem, I had the urge of making my best providing the opportunity for the children. If it is to live for others, to me it's always worth it, and so to live meaningfully, joyfully and beautifully.

February 2010

http://www.fridaycafe.com/2010/01/holgamoon/

(My best friends' honeymoon).

I'm not sure if having feeling is good, and sense, toward a few things that are like a sense for the future. It was so trivial that I moved when seeing the album photo for her, for him while they were happy and are happy. Sense and feeling are worthless, in the context, aren't they?

I'm happy that I like jazz and there's still Nina Simone. I'm excited to move and to share a new place with a nice, cool single-mom girl. And that my boyfriend is still holding me when I turn incomprehensible, even to myself.

There's nothing else matters.