when it's time I became 26

It's kind of funny yesterday when I was in bed, before sleeping, I told myself "I don't complete understand humans and human reaction, but it's just fun to watch". I thought it would be the sentence to express myself for a few coming years. Or probably, I was just tired by playing tennis after more than a month, because the weather was cold and because I had to take home a more than 5 kg box of stuff that my mom sent me for my birthday.

Indeed, I was tired that I thought I had to take a day off from work yesterday but after opening the box my mom sent me, I recovered. I always like things my mom bought for me, but not all. Especially when she has the habit of buying lot of stuff and sending lots. But she sent me a little shoe, that she knitted herself. In a big box of more than 5kg of stuff, there is a little shoe which weighs 5 or 7g something.

I took a photo to send my cousin. The photo of me and him when I was participating in a contest for kids in the city. My face was high up, to avoid saying I look a bit cocky. I think I still am. My cousin looks handsome and cute for a kid at 5 years old, smiling to the pic, bracing my shoulder. He told me when I sent him the photo that he still remember his shoes, they look like Adidas shoes or anything like that. They just look good, things that made a kid at 5 years old remember. I looked up another photo of mine, a photo when I was 6, to compare with 26. To be honest, I think I looked as mature as I am now. I was sitting on a scooter, a 50cc that my dad at the time used to ride me to school. And I always remember whatever we used, my dad always keep them clean and working. Then I saw the bag that I used from year 1 to year 5, all the primary school years. I'm good at keeping things (unless I don't lose them) but I think the reason the bag stayed for 5 years was because it was a good bag. I remember it's not made in Vietnam, something from Russia, Japan or at least not some cheap Chinese stuff (sorry, in Vietnam a lot of people think Chinese goods are with low quality since they mostly export cheap stuff to our country). I remember how many layers there were in the bag, and that my mom helped me to divide the bags into two sides to put notebooks in, since the notebooks in Vietnam are small at that time.
My cousin and me, we were the generation of middle 80s. We were born not lucky like the kids born in 90s when the country started the 'open' policy. But anyhow, we were very lucky, enough to be taken care very well by our parents, even though it was not easy for them. I indeed miss my mother very much, when I am aware how much she has been taking care for me, my brother, the whole family.

I'm grateful that she's a Buddhist now, by letting everything go. I can think of what I want to do, that I want to travel, that I want to take photo, writing about people after all the years being abroad and two years of doing MBA. I am good now, even though there has been changes in my company, and that people are worried. I am lucky to be able to accept everything that can happen now. I am free, I have no attachment, except for the attachment that I think I live for, having some sort of responsibilities, sort of the urge to do something good for my mom and my family (the big one with cousins, aunts, uncles,...).

a note

Yes, somehow my professional life and my emotional life collided, as they do, sometimes. It is hardly to say that I have two different life, because business, finding meaning in my career life is still important to me.
I've been spending a lot of time in cooking, photography, travelling. They are my hobbies. They are all nice. I do sometimes think of doing it seriously. But probably not, I'd prefer to do them in the weekend, or  only in my spare time.
The company and the department has had a lot of change. I still stay. I talk with my colleague, a closed one. He said imagine the big picture, and the role that my company plays in it. Yet, it does play a role. So it still makes sense to stay. I like the fast-changing industries, I always think so since I realized it.
It was occuring to me one night, precisely in the early morning, at 2p.m. in the weekend, that if I had become 'old' or not. 'Old' to me means that you compromise, that you live looking at good things to forget about what you don't like. 'Old' mean that you don't have the urge to change, that you have to learn to be satisfied with life. And luckily (or unluckily) I haven't turned old yet.
One thing I told myself that night. If you've ever become a manager, or someone who can make decision in your organization, be sure to select the right people. One good person won't be good if he/ she doesn't fit in the culture of that organization. And that, giving people space, ideas, motivation. Try to do that, even before you become a manager.

Thandie Newton: Embracing otherness, embracing myself

March 2011

I've lived and passed all those years, at least for the most recent four years to again give a conclusion that there's nothing really important, in this world. Or that, things are ephemeral.

Once in a while it struck me that the world has produced more than what it needs. Some of my fellow friends have the 'luxury' problems, that they get bored. And so am I, sometimes. We all live in the world with more material than needed. Like Barcadi, they don't sell a drink, they sell 'a style of life'. Why do we need that, really? And if I'm too communist, I shouldn't study marketing, all those customers' want, branding,...

I remember the day when I saw on TV a Japanese soldier holding a baby. He smiled and the baby was happily, peacefully sleeping in his arms. I moved to tear. I didn't know why. I didn't understand how I could come to such a 'weak' state. I couldn't restraint myself when seeing the tsunami, seeing ppl drown away in the excessive horrible water. Why do people need to earn so much money, to fight against each other, to bring misery to the world and make each other happy while it's difficult to control their own lives? That one day, everything is blown away. Only human and humanity can build everything over and only humanity is what remains, against fierce nature.