It’s sunny outside, 18 degrees in Amsterdam. I see people sitting, walking, some biking out there. On the big wooden table for the alones, there is always a big vase of flowers, from different kinds, never put in order. My mom likes that, and me and some girls. I’ve never taken any guy a group of friends to this place. I will probably not take any male here so that this place will be only for me and for some of my gals. I’ve lived here for so long that I enjoy being alone. But most people do need someone. I know that belong to the majority.
I remember sitting with a friend of mine, whom I see as closed. At that time I knew why she does not really enjoy hanging out with me much. It is for some reason that when you with some sort of people, you have to be a bit serious; while she enjoys having fun. She talked about her relationship, since I asked. There were tears, when she said that she might never come back here, the place she had grown up and had someone special to be with her, every corner of the city. She did not have any expectation that the relationship would last long. It was her longest one, and still is. When thing goes beyond expectation, people should be happy, shouldn’t they? Yet to some women, there is an unlimited expectation to certain things and certain people, which reduces their happiness.
In this cafe, I have enjoyed watching people; tourists do not come to this corner much. I saw people in the rain, with umbrellas or raincoats. I saw snow falling. Often, I sit in this place when sky is grey, as seventy percent of the time the weather is like in Amsterdam and in the Netherlands. But Belgium was more depressing. I remember when I came back to Brussels Charleroi, I was almost crying to receive a message from one of my male closed friends. The weather in central Europe was far better, and I was with my friends. With those, I know that I would never be lonely but with those, I know that my life would not be the way it should be, serenity, isolation, happiness, passion within my own self. Tra, my friend, I still see her as one of my closest is right, I live so much within myself. I don’t appear so to a lot of people, but at least, she knows. I don’t quite agree with that. Yet, again, you are the person created by different images, from different persons. I brought a twenty years-old girl to this café as well. She also said that since she was young, she was created by different persons she met. She said so simply but I guess she really acknowledges it.
The corner that I’m looking out to is in the sun. There are people, sitting outside and people passing by. It’s just very Dutch, or very European that people enjoy the sun. I don’t quite remember that I see people sitting idly in America. Life in America is different, not a laid-back style like life here. I took a girlfriend of mine to Alto-jazz café on a day when there was great live music. We haven’t met for 6 years, more than one-fourth of my total life. We had talked a lot. Yet, sitting in the café we did not say much. She told me ‘it’s so relaxing!’ I knew that I still enjoyed my life in A’dam.
I’ll soon have my own travelling this summer again. This time I look forward to it very much. I had friends last year when I did the travelling. This time, I have some others, but it’s just like my own since I do not go the places to meet the people. Time when I carry a person in my mind and my heart when I go somewhere has definitely passed by. Isn’t it true that the more you grow up, the people you meet become less important? I don’t really think so. Even for nostalgic people like some of my closed friends and me. Since we change, we are just different persons than we used to be.
Just suddenly I think I’m going to name this piece of writing fridaycafe, since this is coincidentally written on a Friday, in a café, after work. (I don’t go out for a drink with my colleague this Friday.) Almost whenever thinking of him, I recall the small street in the heart of Hanoi. I was taken there for two or three times, once on a new year’s eve. I wanted to write so much coming back from that place. There are pieces of lives in that little street; and there are lives completed by other people's lives.
My colleague asked me a few days ago where my boyfriend was. When a girlfriend of mine came to visit me, I was not sure if it’s ok to send messages and to talk with another one at 1a.m. ‘I was in a relationship before, so it is different’, I told him. 'How long was that?' 'Five years'. For some girls, it counts when they start being emotionally or mentally attached to the guy. I asked my ex-boyfriend if he would ever think that he wouldn’t love the girl who will be his wife much, ‘since you are easy to fall in love and have been in a few relationships’. To a few people, only when they are in a relationship, do they recognize that they have been in love for a few times. And to some, that they have been fallen for some times, they are afraid of getting into a relationship, or don’t even know and if this time it is something ‘real’.
This café, here and in Delft sometimes play Buena Vista (Social Club), the Cuban music sung by Ibrahim Ferrer, Omara Portuondo, Compay Segundo…They are (were) old but full of passion. Listening to it, one can live with love to life. It is important to those whose love had passed by or to confront with love, don’t know where they are going to. Some people grow when they are able not to think anymore. Listening to Buena Vista, I find I can reveal myself, yet at the same time, concealing. A lot of my friends are getting married, those that are as old as I am. The good thing of getting married when you are young is that you reveal yourself to the person who is your spouse, not to people. Those people are lucky.
I used to write when I’m emotional. I find myself no longer in that state. My mother says I have changed. But at least I have become consistent. Girls had better put themselves into only one side, rational or emotional; they should only be in one. I still remember my mother told me when I was around 10 that conflict helped human kind evolve. Yet, being conflicted within oneself is often tiring. Be cheerful and live, things should be fine.
